


I Want To See You

by ihearteun



Category: BTOB
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 21:09:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11216331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihearteun/pseuds/ihearteun
Summary: Minhyuk knows that entertaining the possibility of him meeting Eunkwang again and actually doing it are two very different things. But maybe, maybe it’s worth it to actually doing it because, hey, even if he won’t meet Eunkwang, he will stop missing Eunkwang.Besides, spring is almost ending and he has no time anymore.





	I Want To See You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for this fandom and it is already about them dead. I am so sorry for the trippy fic and mostly for the deaths, but I hope you find it enjoyable, at least.

Minhyuk stares at the framed photo beside his bed. It is that day again, the fifth time Minhyuk lets himself feel all the feelings he’d normally avoid at any other given day in a year. He reaches the frame and runs his thumb over the photo. It hurts, he has to admit. He misses Eunkwang so much that it hurts just to admit it.

He turns his head to look outside the window. Like five years ago, today is also snowing. There isn’t as big as a snowstorm as five years ago, but from where he’s sitting, Minhyuk can see the white that has started to cover the bottom of his bedroom window, piles of snow that has fallen since the afternoon with no signs of stopping.

That was definitely what Minhyuk thought about his relationship with Eunkwang; their love is like the snow, at times, it won’t stop falling from the sky that it covers everything else that it touches.

Minhyuk wasn’t completely wrong, though. Because when it’s gone, it is gone without any trace left but dirt. He wished it wouldn’t have to disappear as quickly as that, but that was what happened, and however hard he wanted to change it, he knew he would never be able to.

*

The photoshoot has just been wrapped up, and so it concludes Minhyuk’s work for the day. He checks his watch to see if he still has time to get something from the convenience store to cook for dinner, but when he does, he sees the date instead of the time. Out of nowhere, he feels like a cold wind just blows at him. How can he forget it, he scolds himself.

He stays with his plan to buy something at the convenience store, but instead of something he can eat for dinner, he opts for a bottle of cheap wine instead. It is not a day to celebrate, but Minhyuk wants to give a treat to Eunkwang.

After all, he misses Eunkwang so much it can’t be conveyed with words. Probably bringing home a bottle of wine to drink will be a better alternative.

*

The saddest part about separation, for Minhyuk, is when he remembers that it was him that was left alone. It was something they had agreed upon, indeed, but in the end, Eunkwang was the one who left, and Minhyuk will forever hate the fact that he was the one who had to bear with all this. With their separation, with Eunkwang leaving him, with getting by his life feeling so lonely it becomes suffocating at times.

There is not a day that Minhyuk will not take the chance of being the one leaving, if he is given the option. Eunkwang will deal with this better, Minhyuk is sure. Even if Minhyuk leaves him, Eunkwang will be completely okay. Probably a little sad, but Eunkwang always knows how to deal with his sadness, to not let his sadness consumes him too much.

That is something that Minhyuk was always thankful at Eunkwang’s presence.

*

Minhyuk isn’t sure what happened. He’s not sure if he was the one who changed, or if Eunkwang was. All he knows is that, one day, everything turns cold and Eunkwang smiles less than he used to be. It hurt Minhyuk, it hurt both of them, that they decided that separation was the only way for them.

But when Minhyuk agreed for them to end everything that night and to continue with their lives separately, what happened after wasn’t something that Minhyuk had in mind. It wasn’t the thing that Minhyuk had agreed upon.

*

After their separation, winter days surely felt too cold for Minhyuk. There was not every single day that he didn’t miss Eunkwang. Every day, he quietly regretted his decision while trying to keep going with his life. The first day after they broke up, Minhyuk said his greeting when he came home, expecting to hear Eunkwang’s usually cheerful reply, only to get a complete silence as the reply.

The rest of the winter felt too cold and too long, Minhyuk was really happy when spring was about to come. He knows that he and Eunkwang was done and over with and that is no longer repairable, but at least spring will be kinder than winter.

Spring was, indeed, turning out to be kinder than winter. On the day when Minhyuk could finally go out without a thick jacket to cover his figure, he went out and enjoyed a walking in the park. He saw the cherry blossom bloomed, and he felt like a bright future could still come from this slump. There is life after Eunkwang, and Minhyuk has to keep moving forward.

*

Apparently, spring’s kindness was not something that stayed for a long time.

That evening, when Minhyuk received a phone call from an unknown number, that turned out to be a call from the hospital, he didn’t realize that his whole body shook. It was a whole body tremor that made him unable to move anywhere for quite a while.

“We tried to save him, but it was too late.”

*

Minhyuk watches the wine moving inside his glass as he moves it around slightly, trying to focus on something, anything else but his own feelings. He stops, then he puts the glass on his lips and empties it. It burns slightly, but Minhyuk can barely feel it.

It has been five years, but it’s like Eunkwang now lives inside him instead. Every day, Minhyuk is reminded of Eunkwang; of his bright smile, of his melodious laugh, of him randomly humming a tone while cooking egg soup for breakfast. There is not a single day in the past five years with Minhyuk not missing Eunkwang.

But only at exactly this time of the year Minhyuk lets himself completely absorbed in his feelings, reminiscing everything about the man that means the world for him.

Minhyuk walks to his veranda, still holding the glass of wine in his hands. It has been five years, he thought. People said time will heal, but for Minhyuk, that’s not exactly the case. Now that he lets himself completely drown in his feelings for Eunkwang, he realizes it. The pain only gets stronger every time. He only misses Eunkwang more as the time passes, and he wonders if any of this even means something.

The city lights flicker in the distance. Minhyuk stares at those, noticing the dots gradually getting more blurry. Minutes pass with Minhyuk watching the lights. Nobody hears it when the wine glass drops to the floor and shatters.


End file.
